Sioux Falls is not an ordinary town. It may seem so, to the naked eye, but there is something there, hidden beneath the surface. If you ever came to visit the bustling, boring town of Sioux Falls, I’m sure you’d like to be somewhere else. The people, going about their daily business, are dull, and lifeless. They roam the streets, pondering whether or not to cook either meatloaf or smoked salmon at dinner for their perfectly annoying young children. They sit in their cubicles, answering sales calls and trying to reach a quota by the end of the month which, of course, they never do.
But let’s talk about the Sioux Falls school district, shall we? The elementary grades are innocent, only because they don’t know what’s coming for them. The middle grades can sense a change in the atmosphere, something animalistic in all of them- school against school. The high grades are when it gets messy. The high schools have their own personal armies, fighting in their “games” for glory and redemption! Mermaids join the swim team. Zombies get stoned in the bathrooms. Ninjas are the stealth service in the armies. The school staffs are really aliens from the faraway land of Tisnerpia. But you don’t really want to know about all this crap do you? Oh- you do? Really? Well, okay… Here’s the story…
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Three members of the Tourette’s Forever Fan Club are standing in a dark and desolate hallway, chatting about things that really don’t matter:
“So he’s dead? Like, for real?” The ginger Tourettei, NiKewl, also member of the Siemen’s Advanced Force, says to her two fellow Tourettei’s.
“Guess so.” says a Lohan-like Ha-Lea, MORGON, also member of the Siemen’s Advanced Force, crossing her arms and staring up at the ceiling.
“Really is a shame…” says the blonde Tourettei, Emalay, the third member of the Siemen’s, shooting a glance at her shoes, full of remorse. “I heard that he doesn’t even have Tourette’s.”
“You’re kidding.” claims MORGON, “You must be hollyfied.”
“No- I don’t think so…” Emalay says, shaking her head. “I took my Anti-Holly pills this morning, just like everybody else…”
“You sure?” speaks NiKewl, putting a hand to Emalay’s forehead. “You feel warm. And you look a little green.”
“I’M NOT HOLLYFIED!” shouts Emalay, throwing her hands into the air, exasperated. “I TOOK THE ANTI-HOLLY PILLS. I’M FINE.”
“Whatever.” MORGON and NiKewl mumble in unison. They quickly look at each other-
“JINX!” They scream, and then are suddenly serious; causing the stupid group of three to laugh so hard it can be heard from Tisnerpia.
“Oh, you guys…” MORGON says, wiping tears from her face. “We’re missing The Game.”
“Yah, we are, aren’t we?” asks NiKewl, scanning the hallway as if she’s just noticed the absence of the rest of the student body. “Strange. We never miss a Game.”
“We better hurry…” says Emalay, wringing her hands, anxious. “I hate missing the clash.”
“We can take our doughnuts there!” announces MORGON. “Then I think we can get there on time…”
“Good idea.” NiKewl says, grabbing MORGON and Emalay’s arms and steering them toward the exit at the end of the hall.
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“We’re all filled up on gas, right guys?” Emalay asks, staring at their doughnut vehicles, parked against a curb by Lincoln High Skewl.
“Yah, I had China fill all of them up this morning.” NiKewl says, checking the fuel tank and then unbuckling the bike lock from her doughnut.
“WELL AREN’T YOU JUST A KOOL KAT?” says MORGON, unbuckling her doughnut while Emalay does the same. MORGON’s doughnut is vanilla with multicolored sprinkle handles and a turbo engine. Her doughnuts also packed with emergency Anti-Holly pills. Emalay’s is a deep chocolate with red sprinkle handles and multiple storage compartments for their various Advanced Siemen weapon items. NiKewl’s is strawberry with white sprinkle handles. She’s the one with the Flux Compositor, allowing all the Tourettei’s to travel through time and space.
“Common, let’s do this thing.” Emalay clambers into her chocolate doughnut, sitting in the puffy pleather seat and revving the engine. She puts on red safety goggles that match her sprinkle handles and puts her foot on the gas. “What are you waiting for?”
The remaining two Tourettei’s follow suit, jumping excitedly into their doughnuts and slipping on their ultra kewl safety goggles. Within seconds, the Tourettei’s power up their doughnuts and take off at the speed of light, the wind blowing in their hair, fists pumpin’… heading for The Game site.
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The Tourettei’s come to a hasty halt at the site of The Game, taking off their goggles and locking their doughnuts safely on a gleaming metal rack. They turn, and gaze at the colossal sized stadium before them, listening to the violent cheers from both competing schools. The team of the Siemen’s Advanced Force break into a run, just in time to slip through the huge wooden doors of the stadium.
“Just in time.” Says MORGON, wiping some sweat off her forehead and looking around. “Wait- where are all the players? They should all be lined up in this hallway, ready to fight Roosevelt’s team…”
“Don’t you Ha-Lea’s get it?!” shouts a dirty, surly fat man from behind a glass booth, giving out candy and soda to some students. He points a thumb at the entrance to the playing field. “Remember the rules? Last one’s in half to play!”
“WHAT?!” scream the Tourettei’s in horror.
“Is this a sick joke?!” says MORGON, jabbing a finger at the glass the fatty is hiding behind. “Don’t you know who we are? We’re part of the Siemen Advanced Force. We’re no players.” She crosses her arms and gives the fatty a dirty look.
“Seriously.” Says Emalay, pounding on the glass. “SER-I-OUS-LY.”
“Yah, what she said!” Yells NiKewl.
Fatty throws his hands into the air in a form of surrender. “Sorry ladies, but- RULES ARE RULES! There literally is nothing I can do. Now-“ he points a chubby finger to a cart fuel of smelly jerseys. “Put those on and get out there. The crowd is waiting and so is Roosevelt!”
The Tourettei’s give Fatty one last glare before turning and walking briskly to the cart full of jerseys. Emalay picks up a particularly moldy one and gives it a sniff. “DISGUSTING. Not even a Tisnerp would wipe their ass with this.” Emalay tosses it back in the cart and starts sorting through the pile, throwing the nasty ones on the ground. NiKewl and MORGON chose their jersey and throw them on, noses wrinkling against the smell.
NiKewl then walks back over to Fatty, who’s organizing Nutty Nut Bars into a neat pyramid. “We can use any kind of weapons we want, right?” She asks.
“Sure thing.” Spits chubby, wiping his hands on his greasy apron. “You need to go fetch ‘em?”
NiKewl nods. “Open the door.”
Fatty sighs and presses a button, allowing NiKewl to disappear behind the wooden door. The remaining two Tourettei’s stand together, giving each other knowing looks.
“This is bad,” says Emalay, “real bad.”
“The only thing that could make this worse is if a Holly showed up.” MORGON said. “or if it started raining…”
A thick sound of thunder shudders the walls of the stadium.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS.” MORGON says.
“I’m really enjoying your karma, MORGON.” Emalay states. “Loads.”
“SHAWT UP.”
The Fatty presses the button which gives off the most annoying beeping sound. The Tourettei’s roll their eyes at him as NiKewl passes the door, numerous (and EXTREMELY DANGEROUS) weapons polluting her arms. “Got them.” NiKewl says, passing out the weapons. “You guys ready?”
“Sure.” MORGON utters, still pissed about the rain. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“LET’S DO THIS THING!” screams Emalay, fist pumping the air.
The three Tourette’s Forever Fan Club members and the team of the Siemen
Advanced force grip their weapons tightly and turn to face the entrance to the area. Let The Games begin.
END OF PART I
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